Conflict Management

feedback

Is there a problem between you two that I should know about?

Why are you two always fighting?

I noticed you two arguing this morning, what seems to be the problem?

Are you two arguing again?

I can't believe you two are arguing again.

Dan, what seems to be the problem?

Dan, what are you talking about?

Peter, Is what Dan says true?

Dan, that's the first I've heard of it.

peter, when I assigned you and dan to this project, I hoped you would work together.

Dan, are you sure that peter is at fault?

Peter, what are your thoughts about this project?

Peter, why isn't the phone system installed yet?

It's both of your responsibilities to make sure this project is completed. I don't care who's at fault, as long as the project gets done

Dan, you and Peter are working on this project together. It's as much your responsibility as it is Peter's.

The new phone system isn't in place yet?

Peter, was it your responsibility to have the phone system installed?

Dan, what responsibilities are you referring to?

When will the new phone system be in place?

Peter, why isn't the phone system installed yet?

You've got to get that phone system set up, or we won't complete this project on time.

What kind of problems?

I just want to know why the phone system isn't in place yet.

Peter, you don't really think Dan is withholding information from you, do you?

Peter, why do you feel that Dan is withholding information?

Peter, why didn't you ask Dan what kind of phone system to install?

Dan, you should have made sure that Peter knew exactly what kind of phone system to install.

Are you two committed to working as a team on this project?

Are you two going to be able to work together or not?

Dan, we encourage teamwork in this organization.

You two better team to work together or else this project isn't going to be completed.

Dan, why do you think Peter is poor team member?

Dan, do you think Peter is a poor team member?

Dan, what happened to make you feel like Peter is consistently failing to meet his responsibilities?

I see Peter, what have you done to make Dan feel this way?

Dan, why do you feel that way?

How often does this happen?

What do you mean by "getting on his case"?

Dan, maybe you shouldn't bother Peter so much. Give him some freedom to get jobs on his own.

Peter, is this true?.

Peter, how do you feel about what Dan has said?

Peter, it sounds like you've got some explaining to do.

Peter, I really don't appreciate any attempts to avoid responsibility.

Wait a minute, Dan. I want to hear Peter's thoughts.

Peter, do you think this situation is Dan's fault?

Peter, why do you allow yourself to become stalled? Why don't you just ask Dan for his input?

Dan, why aren't you more available to Peter?

Peter, how often do you find yourself waiting for Dan's input?

Dan, you should be available to give Peter feedback when he needs it.

Peter, you must have fallen behind on your responsibilities or else dan wouldn’t be so angry.

Peter, I'm not here to take sides. I want to help you and Dan solve the problem.

Peter, Calm down. That's ridiculous.

Dan, why are you so unwilling to give Peter input?

Dan, you need to be a little less selfish with your time and give Peter the input he needs when necessary.

Dan, do you feel that Peter requests an unreasonable amount of your input?

We're getting nowhere. Dan, I think you and I need to talk about your attitude problem in private.

I think it might be a good idea to take a break. Dan, could I speak to you briefly?

Dan, you have a really lousy attitude about this whole thing. It's no wonder Peter is frustrated.

Dan, please. No one is impressed with your threats.

Dan, why don't we take a brief break so you and I can talk for a few minutes?

Dan, calm down. There is nothing to get that upset over. Why don't we take a brief break?

Dan, you're really not helping this situation.

Dan, why are you being so negative about working with Peter?

Dan, I sense that you're having a problem working with Peter.

Dan, from what I've observed, it seems that you're unwilling to work with Peter, Am I correct?

Dan, you're going to have to learn how to get along with Peter. Figure out a way to work things out so your project can be completed.

Why not? What makes you think that you and Peter are incapable of working together?

Dan, I'm sure things aren't as bad as your making them out to be.

Dan, your attitude really isn't helping this matter.

Dan, you're going to have to control your tendency to take charge. It's not helping this situation.

Dan, you need to change your attitude or else we're not going to get the consumer support system established.

Dan, your attitude toward Peter isn't helping us to get the consumer support system up and running.

Dan, you have an impressive work ethic and are great at working independently. But in this situation, you are letting it interfere with your ability as a team with Peter.

Dan, your attitude I this situation is just causing too many problems.

Dan, your attitude is the source of the problem. You'd better learn how to manage your temper, or else this project is going to fail.

Dan, when you and Peter are having problems, neither of you perform to your full potential. That doesn't help us to provide quality service to our consumers.

Dan, please. Don't you think you're exaggerating just a little?

Of course not. Do you really think Peter is incapable of helping you establish this system?

Dan, the project will be completed. Give Peter a chance for once.

Well, you shouldn't take over the whole project like you have.

Well, we can't have you working solo on this project.

Dan, from what you've told me, it sounds like Peter really needs to shape up.

So you're saying that if Peter was more consistent on following through with his tasks, you'd feel better about working with him?

Dan, maybe I would take what you have to say about the situation more seriously if I didn't think you were determined to get out of working with Peter.

I'm sorry if I came across that way. I assure you, your opinion does matter. How do you feel about Peter's capabilities as a team member?

I am interested in your feelings about the situation. Your opinion means a lot, or else I wouldn't have asked for it.

Dan, give me a minute. I have few questions for Peter.

I think I better speak to Peter briefly.

Dan, thanks for talking. I think this conversation helped to identify what needs to be done. I think I should talk to Peter as well.

Peter, I think we should talk about why Dan feels that you aren't fulfilling your responsibilities.

Peter, I think we should talk about the problem you and Dan are facing.

Peter, why are you having so many problems fulfilling your responsibilities?

Peter, even when you're not working with Dan you miss deadlines. Why you can't admit that it's your fault you missed the deadline?

Peter, I think both of you are at fault. I just want to figure out how to solve this problem so the system can be set up properly.

Peter, let's discuss that for a minute. Why do you think you missed the deadline?

Peter, we all need to work together to solve this problem. Let's put our heads together and figure out what can be done.

Peter, you've done good work before. Why are you having difficulties now?

Dan and I aren't against you. All I'm saying is that you don't seem to be performing to your full potential, and I'd like to know why.

Peter, get some backbone. You need to admit that you have a problem handling responsibilities.

Peter, I just want to know why you're not pulling your weight with this project.

Peter, Dan can't always be available to hold your hand. You're going to have learn to carry out your responsibilities on your own.

Peter, do you often find yourself needing Dan's help?

Peter, you are an experienced manager. Why do you need so much assistance?

Peter, after speaking with Dan, it's pretty clear that you are not putting forth the proper effort to get this project completed.

Peter, you need to make a greater effort to get a hold of Dan when you need his input.

Peter, from what I've learned about this situation, you might need to use more initiative to get a hold of Dan when you need his input, What do you think?

Peter, if you need Dan's input, why don't you just track him down and get the information you need from him?

Do you feel that Dan's attitude affected the situation with the phone service?

Regardless of whether or not you like his attitude, you need to learn to deal with it. Getting the support system ﬁnished is top priority.

Is that why you didn‘t know that there was a speciﬁc phone service to use?

You and Dan seem intent on not getting along. I'm not sure if we'll be able to work this out or not.

I think this discussion really helped me get a better idea of what's happening here. Thanks for your input, Peter.

Let's get back to the meeting with Dan. There are some things we need to discuss.

After meeting with both of you, it's clear that you both have very different views of this situation.

After meeting with both of you individually, it's clear that Dan, you don't feel that Peter is meeting his responsibilities, and Peter, you think Dan's attitude is unfair.

Well, I'm not sure how we ever teamed two individuals who had such contrasting personalities.

Peter, you made it known that you feel Dan's attitude is unfair.

Dan, Peter has a problem with your attitude.

Peter, you feel that Dan's attitude is unfair. Maybe you could explain to Dan what you mean by that.

Peter said that you get upset whenever he tries to approach you to get your input.

Peter, l think you owe Dan an explanation.

Dan, hold on. The purpose of this meeting is to hear everyone's concerns and ﬁnd a solution. Everyone's opinion is important.

Dan, you need Peter to get his duties done on time, right?

Dan, what could Peter do to make your working relationship better?

Peter, do you think you could work on completing your tasks on time?

Peter, what about you?

Peter, how do you feel the situation could be improved?

Peter, can you make this change?

Each of you are going to have to make changes in order to handle this situation.

It sounds like this is a situation where both of you need to make some changes in order to reach a solution. Are you willing to do that?

I just don't think a solution is possible unless both of you change your attitudes.

That's a good point. Both of you want to build your credibility in this company. This project provides the perfect opportunity to get what you want.

Well, I hope you both mean that, because neither of you are going to have anything to be proud of unless you can work together.

Well, let's ﬁgure something out.

Good. It sounds like both of you have the right attitude to solve this problem.

Dan, why don't you set aside a part of each day to confer with Peter about the project's progress?

Dan, you're really not being cooperative. You need to give up something in order for you and Peter to work things out.

Peter, how could Dan provide you more feedback in a way that would be helpful?

Dan, that's a pretty reasonable request. Are you telling me that you can't take ten minutes out of your day?

Dan, how much time do you think you could reasonably allow for meeting with Peter?

Dan, you're not really that busy, are you?

Dan, there has to be other ways for you to be available to Peter.

Dan, you're going to have to do better than that.

Dan, can you think of any other ways you could be available during the week?

Peter, Dan is responsible for the administrative tasks. His position does require a signiﬁcant amount of time. You're going to have to accept that.

Peter, what do you think about e-mailing Dan if you can't talk to him one-on-one?

Peter, I'm sure you could learn to use the e-mail system, can't you?

Peter, why do you have such a problem with using e-mail to contact Dan?

Peter, you're just going to have to change your routine when you have a problem.

Peter, you and Dan are going to have to make changes in your daily routines to create a positive change.

Peter, I agree with Dan. Using the e-mail system to contact him is a reasonable request.

Well, it's clear that the communication channels between you two need to remain open.

Dan, why don't you agree to weekly hourly meetings, and Peter, you'll need to keep in contact with Dan more consistently by using the e-mail system.

We've determined that the key to solving this problem is for the two of you to maintain a constant channel of communication. What do you think?

Dan, why don't you agree to weekly hourly meetings, and Peter, you'll need to keep in contact with Dan more consistently by using the e-mail system.

So, what are each of you going to do?

What steps are you two willing to take to ensure that you communicate with each other?

Great. If that's all, l think we can wrap this meeting up.

Do either of you have a preference as to when these weekly meetings are held?

So when will these weekly meetings take place?

I think the meetings should be held on Monday mornings so you can plan the week's activities.

That's too bad. Monday mornings would be the most logical time since you could coordinate your efforts for the upcoming week.

I guess you'll have to come up with a different time.

Dan, what time would be more convenient for you?

Great. Let's wrap things up. I have other commitments today.

Great. I know these meetings will really help you work as a team better.

I'm glad that's ﬁnally settled.

That takes care of everything. Unless either of you have something to add.

Not quite. L want to make sure that both of you are satisﬁed with this plan.

I think that takes care of everything. I'm glad we were able to take care of this situation.

Try to make it quick. I've only got a few minutes to spare.

What's on your mind?

Let's talk about it.

Peter, I think weekly meetings will be effective. Give them a chance.

Peter, I really think weekly meetings will be sufficient, but we can meet in a month to see how effective they are.

Well, how about if we plan to meet in a month to review the success of this plan?

Well, now that you both know what your responsibilities are, I expect to see some positive changes occur.

Let's review each of your responsibilities.

So are both of you clear on what your responsibilities are?

Fine. I really don't think it's necessary, but if it'll make you two happy, will agree to it.

All right. Why don't we meet in a month to see how things are going?

Good. I hope we see the needed improvements.

Great. I think this meeting has really helped identify some areas that need improvement.

Good. If you two can follow through with this plan, I shouldn't hear about any more problems concerning this project.